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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond
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$ 12.76
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| Retail Value |
$ 15.95 |
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$ 3.19 (20%) |
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| Item Number |
1353540 |
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Item Description...
Product Description
It was Patricia Evans who first brought the critical issue of verbal abuse to national attention with the publication of her groundbreaking classic "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". In the decade since, she's become the foremost advocate for the billions of victims of verbal abuse here and around the world. From her bestselling books to her workshops and seminars, Evans has dedicated her life to bringing help and healing to those who need it most - and who often suffer in silence, not knowing where to turn or what to do. Now readers get even more of the answers they need to recognise abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead happier, healthier lives. In two all-new chapters of this updated edition, Evans reveals why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how victims can deal with it.
Outline Review
Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
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Item Specifications...
Pages 240
Dimensions: Length: 8.1" Width: 5.3" Height: 0.7"
Weight: 0.6 lbs.
Binding Softcover
Release Date Jan 18, 2010
ISBN 1440504636
EAN 9781440504631
UPC 045079504639
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Availability 115 units.
Availability accurate as of Feb 09, 2012 11:26.
Usually ships within one to two business days from Momence, IL.
Orders shipping to an address other than a confirmed Credit Card / Paypal Billing address may incur and additional processing delay.
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Product Categories | 1 | Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Sexual Abuse [278 similar products] |
| 2 | Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Personal Health > Stress > Anger Management [142 similar products] |
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Reviews - What do our customers think?
 | Thank You for This Book Dec 26, 2009 |
| Reading about my own experiences in this book was a life-changing event. I felt alone and thought nobody would believe me. Now I feel much more confident. The abuse I suffered at home and at work has been named and exposed, and I know how to respond to it effectively. Thank You Patricia Evans for teaching me to recognize verbal abuse and stand up for myself! | | |  | another marriage destroyed Nov 25, 2009 |
| My wife of many years, and the mother of our young children, became a devotee of the uncredentialed ms. evans at the suggestion of a divorced friend. As she wrestled with various health issues, I vainly tried to compensate and hold our family together. I was ordered by my wife to read this book "cover to cover, very slowly." She cited a few one-liners from me going back 8-15 years as proof that I was verbally abusive, and the cause of her deep unhappiness. My efforts to apologize, beg forgiveness, profess love, go to counseling, etc, were met with contempt because this book says verbally abusive men always try to maintain the relationship so they can continue to verbally abuse. For whatever pathological reason, ms. evans cannot imagine that some men might actually wish to honor the vow and make things better. Too late for us: with the authority of this book, and no others, my wife skipped marriage counseling, terminated our clergyman's brief involvement, told me to "go to hell," and filed her divorce petition. What might surprise Ms. Evans is that her guidance, her easy encouragement of divorce, has hurt my wife more than anyone else. Although I'm no expert on the body of relevant literature, I would recommend "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix for anyone struggling with a marriage. The author is credentialed, experienced, loving and married. | | | | Another excellent read for understanding abuse. Nov 17, 2009 |
| Excellent; highly recommended for the verbally abuse relationship. Great tips and advice for the person married to an abuser. VEry eye opening and informative. | | | | Extremely helpful! Eye-opening. Nov 11, 2009 |
| This book changed my life, as well as the lives of all the women I passed it on to. Surely everyone knows someone who's been in a verbally abusive relationship, if they haven't themself. Useful for anyone seeking to improve their interpersonal relationships and recognize what is acceptable and non-acceptable behavior, regardless of how they categorize their intimate relationships. Highly recommended! | | | | Abusers seek out caring women Nov 4, 2009 |
| This was the first book that was recommended to me after someone pointed out that my increasing confusion, depression, lack of self esteem, alternating sadness and anger, was being perpetrated by a male associate who was manipulating me. He had been recommended by people who had known him for 15 plus years, and thought he was a great guy (they no longer do, since I walked away and refused to talk about it, and they started observing him). Which goes to show you how well an abuser can hide that fact from others. He often is an entirely different person when the person he chooses as a victim is alone with him. Note that I disagree with this author and others who say that abuse is always from the man, as I have seen otherwise. Men do it far more often, for sure, which is why I am going to refer to the abuser as "he" in this review. But you have to be careful about jumping to conclusions. Abusers can fool even the best of therapists on occasion. For example, if the woman is irate when she used to be pretty stable, or is suddenly making bad decisions after a lifetime of making good ones, or seems to have gone completely out of control, it might be because he is doing things, that no one else sees, to provoke it. Often the abuser looks like he is the victim because of how he manipulates her, and the little lies and bended truths he tells about her. One of their goals is to separate you from the things that make you strong.... your family, your friends, your money, your reputation, your career and your faith. The more of those things he can get you away from, or erode, the more you will be in a very vulnerable place! I have read many book since, but this is still the one I suggest people start with. It is my understanding that abusers tend to pick kind and giving types of people, so don't beat yourself up for having been gullible. Usually, the woman is very caring, helpful, and forgiving. This is why she stays so much longer than most would. Often she has been taught to take on personal responsibility and to do her best always no matter what the other person is doing or saying, and she may be from a religious upbringing that has taught her to trust deeply. This makes it easy for him to place the blame and guilt on her. She is likely very compassionate and wants to help heal his wounds. All these wonderful qualities end up being used against her. Abusers tend to be nearly psychic because of their keen observations of people. They can almost read your mind, and are expert at figuring out what you need and desire most. They know how far they can push you before you break, and will always stop and make promises just short of you leaving. They will alternate giving you what you need most, with taking it away, making you feel like you are going crazy. You want to leave but you cannot for the state of your mind is hardly able to make decisions anymore. The verbal form of abuse is as bad, if not in some ways worse, than physical abuse, because the damage that is being done to your character and personhood, but no one can see it to offer sympathy. It is like what happens to POWs, called traumatic bonding, done by their captors, as well as what happens to children in child abuse, and is a form of brainwashing. It is when the tormentor and the rescuer are the same person and the brain cannot correlate them. My therapist said it is uncanny, as they seem to have all gone to the same school, since their tactics are so similar. I am 2 years past the end of the abuse in my life which cost me my health, my marriage, my house, my favorite hobby, and my money. It was this book and others like it, 2 caring friends who had been through abuse, 4 sessions with a great abuse psychotherapist, and a very gentle weekly prayer ministry, that set me back on the road to health. Don't try to figure it out alone! At the very least, get this book! It will open your eyes and bring you a glimmer of hope! Just to see that you and the abuser are not speaking the same reality is very helpful, and extremely empowering. Understanding what makes the dragon appear is quite useful. Just know, it takes a good deal of time to heal. First you need to get the abuse to stop, which means either you have to get really strong to confront him and refuse to let him manipulate you any longer, or if that escalates the problem, as it could since all physical abuse started as verbal, it might mean leaving. Use discretion, and go where it is safe if need be. In my opinion, it is better to walk away from your possessions if you need to. Freedom from pain is worth more than any material possession, in my book. Or you can plan it out, and start squirreling money and things away for a leaving at a later time, but be careful! If you stay, it will be harder to heal if he is still making you feel worthless. It can take 2 or more years to start to feel normal again even when you are away from the abuse. But you can do it, one step at a time. I found for me, once I escaped, and my health started to regenerate, I needed to start trying to improve things I let go out of apathy, tho I still did not feel like doing anything. Baby steps. Each one will build on the other. Try to pick something positive to do for yourself each day, if you can. Organize a drawer. Pay a bill. Paint or go get your nails done. Clean out a file. Buy a new scarf. Make a phone call. Get the car waxed. Take a hot bath. Throw out something he gave you that meant so much at the time, but caused you to be held more tightly in his controlling grasp. Relax and read a book. Do something that creates order or beauty or self esteem, a little each day. Simplify your life where you can. Guard yourself from all negative people for a while, of not forever. Piece by piece, you will start to see order in your life, and begin to feel motivation towards living again. (Oh, and I suggest reading your book in private. It is probably not a good idea for him to know you think he is abusive. He will either just change his tactics or increase them to intimidate you more.) Blessings! | | | Write your own review about The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond
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